A good unexpected orgy

There's this guy I've noticed on manhunt forever. Older, hung, tight body. Into raw fucking. Versatile. Always tried to hook up with him and he's always polite but it just never happens. So I'd given up on him but for some reason he approached me today about getting together. He wanted a load badly.

So I tell him I can hang out later. A part of me wanted to take advantage of his change of attitude but I was also trying not to get caught up in a lot of sex today. I'm between gigs again and I need to work on my portfolio and update my resume. The last thing I need to do on a workless Monday is cruise Manhunt and travel all over the five boroughs looking for sex. So I'm thinking that he'll forget about me and that will be that. Maybe we'll hang out later.

But no. He writes me with five screen names of guys who are asking if they can join us. I check their profiles and they are all hot. Mostly bottoms/versatile. And they are all willing to take or give raw loads. Plus none of them seem scary or drugged out. Hell, they might even have jobs and apartments to live in.

This all sounds too good to be true. And even this guy who I'm talking to is not sure everyone (or even anyone) will show up. He assures me he'd be satisfied to hang out one on one.

In my experience, orgies are hard to arrange. New York City gay men can be so hard to pin down. (no pun intended). Once, a few years ago, I was trying to arrange a threesome and this one guy said he couldn't do anything Sunday because he was watching the Tonys with his boyfriend. I was like, "that is the gayest fucking thing I have ever heard in my life." It was then that I stopped trying to manage these things.

So I get there and indeed four other guys are there besides the host and myself. They are all reasonably hot and no one is on meth. After some initial awkwardness ("it's like a dinner party, no one picks up their fork until everyone is seated...") we all strip down and fuck each other. I had my cock inside everyone's hole except one guy who was a total top. And I got sucked a lot too.

The climax of the evening was when I fucked the host while getting fucked by a young twink who I didn't think ever topped. I'd never gotten fucked while fucking before.

I was surprised everyone had shown up but figured the host was good at this sort of thing. But as we were all leaving he mentioned how surprised he was that it all came together. Another guest (the total top) said he'd never been a part of a group larger than a threesome before.

Clang Clang Clang Went the Trolley!

I am crushing big time on the nice Jewish boy who I barebacked two days ago at the gym. I know very little about him but I am sexually obsessed and that is causing me to take what little I do know about him and construct all sorts of narratives...like the archeologists did with the ruins of Machu Picchu.

I know his first name (Noah). I know that he takes raw cock up his ass from total strangers -- or at least he did on at least one occasion. This could mean he is poz. Or maybe he's in denial...thinks I looked too healthy to have HIV. So basically if I see him again and we have to discuss such matters, we will either learn we have something in common or he will turn white as a ghost and excuse himself to go get tested at GMHC. (I didn't cum inside him and my viral load is undetectable but yes, it is entirely possible that I infected him.) It is also possible that our gym schedules will never sync again and I will never learn what became of him and his immune system.

He also plays basketball. He owns his own ball. He was dribbling it as we walked together out of the YMCA. Guys who play contact sports are so hot! He owns a Blackberry (where he took down my number) and he lives somewhere in my neighborhood. He says that his brother is visiting but that could be an excuse for something shady...like he has a live-in girlfriend he doesn't want me to know about.

So today I go to the gym and I look for him. He's not there. I consider going down to the basketball courts to see if he's shooting hoops but that's too stalkerish even for me. I finish my workout and hit the showers. Before I do I check my iPhone and there's a message from Daniela alerting me to the fact that Mercury is in Retrograde. In astrological terms, this means that for the three weeks that Mercury is "going backwards" you are not to begin a new relationship as it will fall apart when Mercury starts going forwards again. So Noah and I are not to be. I put my iPhone into my locker and walk into the steam room.

I am sitting there for a few minutes and he walks in. Or I think its him. The room is steamy and he doesn't acknowledge my presence. He jiggles that doodad to make the room steamier and walks over to sit behind me. He smiles. I smile. We do it again. I suck his cock, he sucks mine. I eat his ass. I fuck him raw AGAIN and just as it starts getting good a ghostly figure appears at the glass door and we separate. A guy walks in -- probably gay -- and seems very interested in seeing more of what he just almost walked in on. More people walk in. It's Grand Central Station.

We retreat to the sauna. No one is in there. We start fucking again and he whirls around and cums all over me. It gets all over my hands. I lick my fingers and put my mouth on his cock which is still spewing jizz. It's hot.

Test #5. Now that he's cum (for the first time in my presence), will he run away and never look me in the eye again? Wow no, he doesn't. We sit there in the sauna and chat about how funny and hot this all is. A guy pokes his head in. "You know this thing isn't on?" All of a sudden, it occurs to me that we are sitting in a luke warm sauna in this strangely casual post-coital position. Our knees are almost touching. The only thing missing are two cigarettes. Oh, that's why the sauna is empty. The gay guy from the steam room walks in and pretends to enjoy the luke warm sauna.

BB action at the gym

I'm getting a lot better about disclosure lately. I try to be philosophical about it. If you love someone, set them free blah blah blah. If you want to fuck someone's brains out, disclose. If you were meant to fuck them, they'll come back to you with a condom...or something.

But then sometimes I'm caught off guard and it's hard to disclose...like this guy at the gym. Gorgeous tall Jewish boy. Maybe thirty. I notice him in the steam room and I immediately assume he's straight. He takes off his towel and walks over to the steam nozzle to pour water over it in order to make it steamier. I notice that he has a huge cock. I sigh. It's like I'm at Barney's looking at a beautiful outfit I'll never fit into or afford. But then it occurs to me that his whole "walk over to the steam nozzle" was really a way of advertising his wares in the first place. Regardless, he could still be straight guy who loves to show off.

There's a third guy in the steam room with us. He gets up to leave and I notice that my guy is fiddling casually with his cock under his towel. Shit, could it be my lucky day? I start casually fiddling with my cock under my towel. We make eye contact. There is a God.

Here's what drives me crazy about the gym hookup. I am kind of a girl. When I am having an anonymous sexual encounter, I need to make eye contact. I need to make out. I need to have some sort of body contact besides the genitalia. Maybe a little chitchat. I hate fooling around with guys at the gym who just want to jerk off "for" me. If I'm attracted to someone I am not content to watch him masturbate. I'm not trying to be your boyfriend, I just need to make a tiny fleeting connection. I know it's weird, but hey.

So I'm pleasantly surprised when he gets up and sits down next to me. Our knees are touching. Yes! I lean over and suck his cock. Test #1. If he's one of those frigid steam room guys he'll push my head away. He doesn't. So far so good. Test #2. He might be one of those hung guys who will let you blow him but doesn't reciprocate. That's not a dealbreaker but still. So I'm pleasantly surprised again when he leans over and sucks my cock for a little while.

Test #3. Will he let me play with his asshole? The fact that he's willing to suck my cock tells me there's a possibility. I go down on him again and I reach around. He lets out a little moan and I know I'm home free. He has an amazing ass. He also has this wonderfully cocky attitude. He gets up and wipes some condensation off of the glass door of the steamroom. While he checks to see if the coast is clear, he unselfconsciously wets his fingers with his mouth and starts fingering his hole. We're not fucking are we? ARE WE? Shit, we're fucking! He sits down on my cock. Thanks to the steam, the spit he applied to his ass and the spit he just applied to my cock while he was sucking it, my cock slides right in. I have never fucked anyone in a steam room before. I didn't think it was possible.

Anyway, if this was a porn film or a Penthouse Forum letter, we'd fuck for the next forty minutes in perfect undisturbed privacy. Either that or the people who barged in on us would be really hot and willing to participate. But this isn't porn, it's real life at the YMCA. A couple people walk in. One guy seems to know what we're up to and he'd like to join in. Another guy is cluelessly cockblocking us. My head is spinning. I need to get out of the steam room because it's too hot and I'm getting dizzy but I need more of that man's ass and cock like a junkie needs heroin. I take a break, grab my razor and shave by the bathroom mirrors. He showers. We make eye contact in the mirror. We try the steam room again. It's still crowded. So is the sauna. No room at the inn.

Finally I walk over and introduce myself. Test #4. Will he freak out if I start TALKING to him? No. He tells me his name too. "Can we continue this in a bed sometime?" I ask. "Yeah," he says. "Make sure we exchange numbers before we leave." Coincidentally his locker is right next to mine. He takes my number on his blackberry and then calls me right away so I have his number. We walk out together. "I've seen you around," he says. You have?!?!? He tells me his brother is staying with him so he can't invite me over. I tell him that's fine, I live alone. We promise to call each other.

So now I'm wondering, if this guy is so fast to get fucked raw in a sauna with a total stranger, am I safe in assuming he's poz?

The Phantom Breeding Bottom

I'm meeting a lot of guys who stop short of fucking around with me because of my HIV status...but then they find the HIV erotic and try to engage me in bareback fantasies.  They love the danger of talking about their barebacking fantasies...with a guy who could conceivably infect them.  Of course I prefer fucking around in person to talking about the hot sex I'll never have over the phone or internet.  So some of this drives me crazy.  But it can be hot too.  

Last month, a guy I met on recon started chatting me up.  He was 23 and kind of a wiry cute Jewish kid.  Into a lot of domination and incest fantasies.  He asked me to cam with him and even though I hate camming (I look BAD on a webcam!) I agreed and we had a good time.  I showed him my cock, which he loved and he showed me his tight pink butt hole.  

So then a few days pass, I see him online.  I'm exhausted for a full day of work and school but he wants to get together.  "I want you to bareback me," he says.  Of course my cock gets totally hard but I manange a moment of ethics and remind him that I am HIV+.  It's mentioned in my profile.  "Really?" he says.  Pause.  (Oh shit!)  "That's cool.  Just don't cum in me."  

So right now a million things are going through my head.  This guy must be partying.  This guy must have HIV already.  This guy is playing me and he's not going to show up.  But my cock is totally throbbing and I go into this ethical twilight.  I want to put my raw cock up this boy's ass with only spit as lube...his spit.  

And there HAS to be a way to make this happen that doesn't make me evil.  Maybe I won't precum.  My viral load is undetectable.  This guy already has HIV if he's willing to do this with some guy he met on recon, right?  If I don't infect him someone else will.  Of course these are all dicey justifications and I really should just stop this at some point.

But it turns out I don't have to stop this from happening.  Because he did.  He never showed up.  I got a text from him that he couldn't find a cab and I haven't heard from him since.  And this sort of thing has happened to me a bunch of times.  There are at least a half a dozen boys out there I've never met who have asked me to bareback them but won't actually make it to the door of my apartment.  

An unexpected raw fuck with me on the bottom

Thursday night I was bored. I am tired of online shenanigans. I have been going to the gym faithfully and watching my diet so I look good. I wanted to go out and see what was out there that I could see and sense in the flesh. It was three in the morning and I decided I'd go to Club 82 at E. 4th and Second Avenue. Usually I go there after the bars have closed, but tonight I was sober and freshly showered. Albeit a little stoned.

I hopped on the f train (it came right away, a good sign) and arrived at Club 82 at 3:33. I ran down those green stairs and shoved my money under the glass shield. "We are closing at four," said the guy. I looked at the sign. Apparently, the place only stays open on four am on weekday and five am on weekends now. The fuck? Back when I partied in the East Village, no one went to these places until the bars closed at 4:00 and then they stayed open until the sun came up. Whatever. I go in anyway. I've come too far to turn back now.

As soon as I walk in I see the guy. He's in shadow, lurking in a booth. As I pass by, he whips out his cock. It's a big cock. He nods a bunch of times and I'm in the booth with him. I look at his face. He's got that slightly sickly look like he's been poz for a while. And he's wearing a watchcap. My kinda guy. Even though I love his cock, he kneels down to suck mine. He does a really good job. He has poppers and I use them and it makes me want to suck his cock, so I do. It's a really tasty cock. Very thick. Then he's sucking my cock again. "Looks like you've got a huge load in there," he says caressing my balls. I agree with him. "You're clean, right?" he says. Uh, okay. Great time to ask a question like that. I lie and say I am but make a mental note not to come in his mouth. And then it hits me. This guy isn't poz. He's old. He's in great shape though.

So the next thing surprises me. But then again, nothing surprises me as far as anonymous sexual behavior goes. I'm back sucking his cock again -- this time on my knees at his request -- and he asks me if I want to get fucked. Oh yeah. So he takes out a tube of lube and starts to lube up his BARE COCK. Yes! After a couple of false starts, it goes in and it feels great. I get comfy and he starts to really pump his cock in and out of me. "Just don't come inside me!" I say. Why the hell did I say that? Oh yeah, I'm playing the role of an HIV negative person in this scene.

Or is he playing the role of an HIV negative person in this scene? If so, that "you're clean, right?" was a brilliant touch. Almost as brilliant as "just don't come inside me!"

He doesn't come inside me. He doesn't come at all. He says that he already came earlier that night. But I come and it's a huge load. I've been anorgasmic lately but getting my prostate rammed tonight has opened the flood gates and I spray the booth.

Then there's that post sex moment where the orgasm is in the past, the poppers have left your system and you're just standing there in the booth with your pants around your ankles and all this goo all over you. My booth partner, who I was just calling "daddy" is handing me a paper towel. "There's a bathroom down the hall and to the right," he tells me. Oh, how cute, he thinks I've never been here before! I thank him and head for the bathroom. He's following me. Oh dear. I just want to go home and go to bed and he's in love. He insists on kissing me goodnight. I say goodnight, wash my hands and head for the subway. When I get home and change into my pajamas, I realize that I was, um, dirty. Oops. Either he didn't notice or he really liked me. Nevertheless, it was a great night. Thanks to my unlimited metrocard, the entire endeavor cost a total of ten dollars and only took a total of an hour and forty minutes. Not a bad evening.

Another one

Okay, obviously the lessen I need to learn here is "always put your HIV status in your online posting".  I got another response from my CL posting -- the one in which I neglected to mention my HIV status despite the fact that my use of the term "breed" and "bareback" should have cued most people in to what was going on.  This guy sends me a beautiful fuckable ass pic and tells me about how much he loves to get fucked raw and take loads up his ass.  But he adds that he's negative.  I was SOOO tempted to just leave well enough alone and do him anyway (that is, if he turned out to be serious and liked my face pic) but I did the right thing and wrote him back saying, "you realize I'm positive, right?"  

So he writes me back and goes "thanks for being honest, I really appreciate it."  That's all he says so I'm assuming that he's lost interest now that he knows I'm toxic.  And that's fine, but what about all the other guys he's meeting up with who aren't being honest.   

And then, of course I'm thinking that he's probably positive anyway and I should have just fucked him.  But that's not a nice thing to do, is it?

Bartering for goods and services

So I'm online tonight.  I've got one of my ads up on Craig's List advertising for a bareback bottom.  This guy responds with an ass pic -- beautiful, fuckable ass! -- and asks me if I'm "generous."  Well, I don't pay for sex -- never have -- and even if I did, I don't have any money.  But it's a nice ass so I write back and tell him that I'm not generous but if I was, I'd totally be into it.

So we start chatting anyway and it comes up that he's out of work (hence the plea for "generosity") and when he finds out I'm a graphic designer, he asks me for some help.  He's trying to start his own company and needs a couple of logos.  I propose a trade.  Sex for graphic design work.  He likes the idea and we start discussing "terms."  So I reiterate that I'm looking for bareback sex.  He says "sure."  I say "you realize I'm poz, right?" and he says, "uh, no I didn't."  He's negative.  I look back at my posting on CL and realize that I didn't mention the fact that I'm poz.  I guess I assumed that anyone who answers an ad for bareback sex is probably already positive...or is highly aware of the risk they are taking.  And I did use the term "breed."  But this guy is shocked that I'm positive.  And he's a hooker.  What's with these kids today?

So then what's weird is that he's still okay with the idea of being barebacked.  He just wants to know if I precum a lot.  I tell him that I'd be happy to use a condom and that I'm not into infecting anyone.  He tells me that I'm very sweet.  I ask him for a face pic and then I don't hear from him again.  Whatever...