I'm meeting a lot of guys who stop short of fucking around with me because of my HIV status...but then they find the HIV erotic and try to engage me in bareback fantasies. They love the danger of talking about their barebacking fantasies...with a guy who could conceivably infect them. Of course I prefer fucking around in person to talking about the hot sex I'll never have over the phone or internet. So some of this drives me crazy. But it can be hot too.
Last month, a guy I met on recon started chatting me up. He was 23 and kind of a wiry cute Jewish kid. Into a lot of domination and incest fantasies. He asked me to cam with him and even though I hate camming (I look BAD on a webcam!) I agreed and we had a good time. I showed him my cock, which he loved and he showed me his tight pink butt hole.
So then a few days pass, I see him online. I'm exhausted for a full day of work and school but he wants to get together. "I want you to bareback me," he says. Of course my cock gets totally hard but I manange a moment of ethics and remind him that I am HIV+. It's mentioned in my profile. "Really?" he says. Pause. (Oh shit!) "That's cool. Just don't cum in me."
So right now a million things are going through my head. This guy must be partying. This guy must have HIV already. This guy is playing me and he's not going to show up. But my cock is totally throbbing and I go into this ethical twilight. I want to put my raw cock up this boy's ass with only spit as lube...his spit.
And there HAS to be a way to make this happen that doesn't make me evil. Maybe I won't precum. My viral load is undetectable. This guy already has HIV if he's willing to do this with some guy he met on recon, right? If I don't infect him someone else will. Of course these are all dicey justifications and I really should just stop this at some point.
But it turns out I don't have to stop this from happening. Because he did. He never showed up. I got a text from him that he couldn't find a cab and I haven't heard from him since. And this sort of thing has happened to me a bunch of times. There are at least a half a dozen boys out there I've never met who have asked me to bareback them but won't actually make it to the door of my apartment.
